The following is a reproduction of an email thread between myself and a former coworker (who, like myself, I promise was a Productive and Valued Employee). The exchange transpired after another coworker, intending to write “Voila!” (French for “there it is,” or “there you are,” and usually used in English as something akin to “ta-dah!”), wrote “Viola” instead. A viola is a violin-like instrument, seen here on a pile of fall leaves for some reason:

Well, Della and I took this mild typo and ran with it, for days. Here is the result.

Me:
Cello there Della! You know, what really bothers me these days is all the violins on TV, as well as the violins in video games like World of Horncraft and Bluegrass Band Theft Auto. This desensitizes the youth of the nation to violins, which means kids out there are more likely to perpetrate violins on others. In addition, PR campaigns proclaiming that violins are not the answer don’t appear to be successful. Ultimately, unless we contain the violins we see here at home, we have no moral grounds on which to object to all the horrifying violins we see overseas.

Della:
I agree. It’s tubad that we aren’t more sensitive to the sax as well as the violins. I mean, there’s so much sax in the media and it gets kids into treble. If we could find a way to better invalve them in wholesome activities, it would help them avoid the snares of sax and violins. I think we just have to make kids understand how baroque the system is.

Me:
For sure — it’s unfortunately all too easy to drum up examples of the rampant oversaxualization of women in a variety of media. This is because — and I hate to say it, but it’s true — sax sells. This is a potent cymbal of the degeneration of our society, one in which it seems adults as well as children are merely focused on accumulating lots of lute. It’s a vicious triangle.

Della:
Yeah, I’ve pitched this idea to others before, but they just call me a lyre. I guess there’s something wrong with my tone — I can’t reed other people very well. Communication isn’t my forte, so my comments always fall flat even though I think I’m pretty clefer.

Me:
Well, I don’t like to harp on this stuff, but there’s no dancing around it — the biggest obstacle to real change is how hard it is to orchestrate a concerted response. At least the woodwinds of change are blowing, though, and I’m proud to say I’ve been instrumental in that. Of course, I prefer not to toot my own horn, but sometimes in life you have to in order to avoid playing second fiddle.

Della:
Yes, I think this change is going to B Major. Accordion to popular theory, kids aren’t as sharp as they used to be because they don’t conduct themselves properly. Are you re-chording this conversation? I’m pretty proud of us so far.

Me:
Well, Bach in my day, I think only about one quartet of my friends — and I could Liszt each of them, I remember so well — had any real trouble Handeling themselves in public. Now, it seems few can — which will do serious harmonica to their future job prospects. And yes, this thread will allow us to trumpet our ability to Rachmaninov and roll with music puns!

Della:
Bassoon people will start Haydn when they realize what we’re trying to do. I hope no one throws a tempo tantrum!

Me:
Well I don’t think what we’re seeing today is merely accidental. I know this is a Brahmshell accusation, and I have a tough time staying composed when I talk about it, but — I could string together many incidents of the powers that be trying to silence the little guy. Even worse, our politicians are totally tone-deaf on the subject!

[then after a short break of no response from Della]

Oboe! Seems you have piano more ideas. I know I don’t either. Oh well. This wordplay is more of a Mozart than a science anyway.