When the Nerves Are In-Person—But the Coaching Isn’t
Why you don’t need in-person public speaking coaching to conquer in-person public speaking nerves.
Struggling with nerves in live settings?
Remote coaching still works—especially my proven nerves management strategies.
👉🏼 Book a free 15-minute consult to find out how!
Based near Portland, coaching clients nationwide.
“Jamie is a wonderful coach. His expertise, targeted exercises, and exquisite attention to detail renewed my confidence and mindset on public speaking and I’m now looking forward to putting our lessons into practice, instead of dreading such opportunities. On a recent call, my CEO said, “You did a fabulous job. You have become such a polished spokesperson!” Thank you, Jamie!!”
Prospective students (that’s what I call a lead!) occasionally say they’re seeking public speaking coaching in order to tackle severe nerves, but there’s a catch: Remote speaking settings don’t really bother them. In-person settings, on the other hand, are 😱. All the people right there, just staring at me! Judging me! So many faces, so many eyes!
“You were saying?”
And so, they ask, if your coaching is remote (which it is), how can you help me get over my in-person nerves? After all, it’ll be easy to practice for you in-session.
A reasonable question! How can remote nerves coaching still help? Let us count the ways.
Artificial pressure
Nerves are a funny thing. In many public speaking situations, people tell themselves, “Hey, settle down. This shouldn’t be a big deal—there’s nothing to be afraid of, no reason to be nervous.” & perhaps there isn’t! But our brains don’t really get the message. Fight/flight/freeze instincts still kick in—and in a sad irony, the very thought that we shouldn’t be nervous only amplifies nerves & distraction! Why? Because A) we may feel that if we can’t stay calm even under these ostensibly low-difficulty conditions, there must really be something wrong with us; & B) we don’t feel in control of our own brains, or (if the nerves have physical effects, like high heart rate or sweating) our bodies—not a good feeling!
As a coach, I can use this dynamic to your advantage, primarily by creating “artificial pressure” situations. These are high-difficulty exercises that give you a lot to think about, while subjecting you to certain constraints. This could include assigning you to speak on a complex topic, giving you little or no time to prepare, imposing low tolerance for mistakes—or all of the above! The pressure is merely artificial because nothing bad can happen—it’s all in good fun, there are no stakes, and no consequences if you do a bad job. It’s just practice, after all, and there’s no audience except me, your humble public speaking coach.
It’s only practice—but it doesn’t feel that way.
But try telling that to your brain! Very often, it doesn’t get the whole “this is a safe practice space!” message. When our minds are subjected to similar stresses as they experience in real-life public speaking situations, the nervous response frequently emerges. & voila! You have an opportunity to practice resilience in nervous, but highly controlled conditions.
I don’t use artificial pressure because I relish seeing students sweat. I use it because it’s a highly effective way to help students face and overcome nerves, even in a very different environment than the ones they’re worried about.
2. Skills build confidence
Get ready for a 🤯 moment: One of the best ways to become a more confident public speaker is to become a better public speaker. When you improve to the point that your voice sounds great & you express ideas clearly, confidence feels much more reasonable. Conversely, if you’re not good at speaking, it’s awfully tough to feel confident—and arguably unwise, too, because confidence shouldn’t be based on delusion.*
To be clear, this cuts both ways: Often nerves are a major obstacle to effective public speaking. But even for folks who primarily want nerves fixes, coaching sessions still include at least some skill development. For experienced as well as beginner public speakers, the knowledge that you’re progressing further—able to handle tougher and tougher speech challenges—is usually integral to gaining confidence.
& great news! Skills are very easy to develop in a remote setting.
3. Learn to create your own artificial pressure
Practice at home is of course critical to improvement—and that includes artificial pressure practice! That’s why I also share a variety of ways to create your own artificial pressure situations outside of session—settings where the actual stakes are low to nonexistent, but your poor ol’ brain still gets the fantods. Then, using the nerves management suggestions covered in-session, you can practice composure & mental resilience to your heart’s content. (This is also particularly useful for the rare students who aren’t fazed even by my toughest in-session artificial pressure activities.)
4. If I couldn’t help, I wouldn’t be in this business.
Look at it this way: About 90% of my students want help with nerves in some way, shape or form. For most of them, I (thankfully?) am not inherently intimidating. I’m not a big crowd. I’m not their boss. I don’t hold their employment or social fate in my hands. If all this meant I couldn’t help alleviate their nerves, then I’d have had to look for other employment years ago.
Instead, I’ve had the opportunity to assist many hundreds of students—formerly nervous students who found their voice & conquered nerves. I’ll let one of them have the final word.
“Jamie is excellent, simply stated. I’m an introvert working on a team of extroverts who easily established status on the team. I knew I needed to find ways to enhance my personal brand. My manager asked me to emcee a department meeting for a global audience and I needed to get over my stage fright QUICKLY. Jamie adjusted his normal curriculum to accommodate my needs and as a result, I crushed it! After implementing skills from sessions with Jamie, I learned about ongoing opportunities I was nominated for. Since then, I’ve facilitated global trainings and was asked to lead a virtual Teams chat community to deepen connections in my global department. Jamie is direct yet supportive and shared exactly what I needed to gain credibility with peers, partners, and leaders. Jamie, looking forward to continue learning from you!”
Still wondering if remote coaching can really help with in-person nerves?
Let’s talk about it —no pressure. (yes, this would be a remote chat.) 😛)
🎉 Book a free 15-minute consult!
*This is especially true for children, whose communication insecurities are typically based not on psychological factors, but on a truthful awareness that they simply lack crucial communication skills. Adults are way better at getting into their own heads about this stuff. But even for adults who benefit from mindset-related nerves reduction tips,
