Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’ Speaking Anxiety
How speaking coaching can help shy kids find their voices.
At first glance, public speaking coaching for shy children may seem like a bridge too far. The problem isn’t that little Johnny doesn’t have what it takes to wow the crowds at TedxKids. It’s that he doesn’t speak up much except for around family & close friends—be it in class, socially/with new people, or around adults. Isn’t helping him get out of his shell more a job for a counselor or a therapist?
Actual footage of little Johnny.
In severe cases, probably yes. But I’ve found success using speaking coaching techniques to help kids express their thoughts better and gain confidence as communicators. At any given time, about 20% of my students are ages 8 - 18—and they’re usually my favorite to work with. They experience many of the same speaking troubles as adults, and the remedies are surprisingly similar. Here’s a brief guide to my process and how it gets results.
Provide a kind, encouraging space for practice and feedback
“This here wall would never laugh at me if I say something dumb.”
This one’s obvious (that’s why it’s first), but worth elaborating on. Classrooms and social settings can be intimidating environments, where the cost of failure (via saying something allegedly stupid, freezing up, getting tongue-tied, etc.) seemingly dwarfs the upsides of participating. Or it feels like there’s just so much stimuli and so little time to think, shaping confused thoughts into coherent speech seems all but impossible.
One-on-one tutoring largely removes these obstacles. Any mistakes or mind blanks have an audience of just one (the coach)—someone who is neither a peer or someone who controls your grade. Hence, the stakes are far lower. If you need a bit of time to think, you get it. And if/when speaking attempts go poorly, I emphasize that this is ok, offer ways to improve, and we try it again. When the first steps aren’t so daunting, the rest follow more easily.
This isn’t to say that individual coaching is a No Nerves Zone. Shyness doesn’t evaporate immediately, and a little pressure can be healthy, since successes under it build resilience. But on the whole, it’s an exceptionally welcoming speaking environment. I’m very comfortable working with kids, and making every session enjoyable is a top priority.
2. Reading aloud
Initially, I have the child practice reading aloud (perhaps from a favorite book), and we work on foundational features of vocal delivery like volume, inflection, speed and enunciation. Not only are there fun exercises for these that tend to elicit some chuckles, the activity targets a common source of speaking insecurity for kids: perceiving their voice/speaking style as strange or unpleasant. Whether or not that perception has grains of truth to it, practice and feedback can bolster skills and confidence by giving the child some initial “wins” in the lower-difficulty speaking setting of reading aloud.
3. Lots of speaking exercises
Keeping kids’ interest usually requires variety and consistent engagement. That’s why I avoid lectures in favor of plenty of speaking activities. These include conversation games, storytelling, basic improv, note-taking challenges, quick-thinking activities, prepared and impromptu speeches, interviews (both of and by the student), and even short debates on kid-friendly topics—all mixed in with encouraging, constructive feedback. Students hopefully leave each session energized and pleased with what they’ve accomplished, and looking forward to the next.
4. Homework
Luckily for me, it’s pretty easy to be more fun than normal homework.
Sessions, however fruitful, aren’t complete without assignments in between. These push the students to apply what they’re learning as they prepare for bigger speaking challenges. In the homework, I encourage them to play the speech games we do in session at home, and test out speaking strategies in real-life settings—from conversations with friends & family to classroom discussions or even presentations. Successes in these arenas often produce big strides in confidence, as students realize progress is both very possible and within their control—and that speaking can even be fun and fulfilling.
This realization is the most valuable lesson I can impart, and is therefore my top goal in coaching children. Sparking an enthusiasm for speaking can pay dividends for a lifetime, while removing it as a source of anxiety lifts a potentially immense psychological and social burden.
5. Keeping parents in the loop
You can get the whole family together to support little Johnny in his speaking practice!
I believe parents can be an invaluable part of their child’s speaking development, & I want to be a resource for you to contribute to it. That’s why I update (one or both) parents regularly on what I’m covering in the sessions, how their child is progressing, and how they can assist—especially by being their child’s counterpart or audience for the various speaking exercises & conversation activities they’re learning.
Bottom line: Helping a shy child find their voice is among the most gratifying tasks I can fathom, and I’ve found the above methods quite effective in doing just that. If you think your child might benefit from this sort of coaching, drop me a line—I’d love to chat!
